Jay Stringer

You know the drill. I’m watching a film, and commenting on it as i go.

My spelling will get bad. My grammar will be non existent. But who needs those things, anyway?

I like to do introductions before a live blog. A little context to my history with the character or property. But to be truthful, in this instance its more the creator that i’ve had a long term connection to. Sure, if you’re into noir, hardboiled fiction and comics, you have to love Will Eisner. The man was a visionary, a genius, and a pioneer of the medium. His work with THE SPIRIT still stands as some of the best work done in the funny books, racist wharts and all. BUT for any person of my generation, the name FRANK MILLER carried weight long before WILL EISNER.

I’ve written before of my fragile six year old mind being warped by mr Miller. I’ve never been a fan of THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS, but his BATMAN: YEAR ONE and DAREDEVIL :BORN AGAIN are as good as it gets. I spent a long time arguing that hollywood needed a dose of Miller. Then it got one and……ahem. I know the exact moment i started to lose faith in him. Is was with oe single comic book, BATMAN VS SPAWN. It was bad. And i don’t just mean bad, i mean this thing was almost enough to drive me away from comics. Anywhoo….on with the show.

ROLL CREDITS!!!!

-Hey, it’s a left over Danny Elfman score. Or if it isn’t, it should be.

-Oh no. Scrap that. It was a false alarm. Straight into a flatline on the screen with some creepy music.

-Hey, word to the wise? Anyone who introduces themselves with the words “i am death”, is probably not Death. Especially if she’s in her underwear.

-It looks stunning in a very fake comic booky kind of way. I never really got this whole ‘frame recreation’ thing. But hell, it’s pretty.

-Okay. Why does he leave the cemetary by vaulting OVER the gate? Is a gate, by its very design, not a means for entrance and exit?

-Is that Frank Miller giving himself a cameo within two minutes? Looks like it. Hmmmmm. And…theres that leftover score again….yay my sarcasm did not fail me.

-This looks so cheesy, the way he moves across the rooftops. In comic books, i never imagine them to be moving so fucking slowly.

-I think this opening monologue by Denny Colt is a deliberate Homage to Taggart. It can be the only reason for treading so close to the classic wail of “Weyell i knooooow this citeee like a lover…”

(damn, now i cant help but think of Taggart dressed as the spirit)

-Wait….did Miller just take the piss out of the opening monologue himself? “damn, ive got no time for this….”. I cant decide wether this is genius.

-poor guy is obviously deeply tortured by his broody good looks and his imortality. And he seems to have yet another common Stringer problem; the women fall for him straight away. Poor guy.

-Folks, Eva Mendes just entered the film. I’m going to need a minute.

-”Heads Up”….followed by Frank Millers severed head….heehee. Wow, Sam Jackson his having some fun here. When you absolutely, positivley, gotta chew every mother fucking scene in the film, except no substitute. “Theres nothing i like better than kickin yo ass all night long. Except maybe eggs.”

-”I found the truck.” You know guys, i may secretley LOVE this film. One problem though, they introduce “the most beutiful woman ever” but then scarlet johansen turns up.

-This is Buggs and Daffy. And who doesnt need a little of that in their lives, eh?

-TOILET SEAT!!!!!! “toilets are always funny.” Yes, yes, i think they are.

-Ooops theres that girl pretending to be death again. And hey, then Sarah Paulson…is Matt Perry going to turn up and argue with her about religion…because that was GOLD.

-The Spirit talks to his hat. Did Indiana Jones talk to his hat?

-”thats why the homeless are always getting hurt….cuz its free.” This dialogue was brought to you by Sarah Palin.I’d type a little more of an explanation, but i have to conserve my energy incase the NHS tries to kill me.

-So while the spirit talks to his hats, Sam Jackson talks to his guns. Hmmmm.

-And now Jackson is dressed as a sammurai. They must have filmed this on a tuesday.

-Folks, Eva Mendes just entered the….wait i’ve already done that joke. Wait…..did she just describe Batman’s sidekick as having a tight little ass? this film is going in strange places.

-SHE’S PHOTOCOPYING HER ASS!!!!!!!

-Is it a sign ive watched to much Wire, that i could tell what accent Morganstern was aiming for?

-This is a film noir remake of the 60’s Batman. Gabriel Macht is perfect this.

-Wow that mans head is missing.

-Whereas that man’s head is attached to a foot. “Thats just plain damn weird.”

-So the biggest lead he has to follow is the photcopy of Eva Mendes ass? Hey, detective work is a dirty business.

-Wait, dont trust her!!! She releases Tom Waits cover albums and she has a weapon behind her back!!!!! Oh dear, too late.

-You know what this film needs? It needs it’s protagonist to talk directly to the camera…oh no….now it has everything. Including Sam Jackson dressed as a Nazi.

-”The greates of the heroes was Heracles.” “And we found his ass. Well, his blood. He left some blood around.”

-”There shot to hell. There’s shot to hell. And there’s just plain Rediculous.” I agree. But that was a lot of guns for one coat, well done sir.

- Sam Jackson vs several heavily armed helicopters. I aint betting on the whirly birds.

-Hehehehe. That arm exploded. Ho snap.

-It was until tonight that i realised i’d always wanted to see a ribcage impaled onto a sidewalk. Ace.

DONE.

You know what? I expected to hate that film and i had a blast. Its a comedy. Its quite obviously meant to be a comedy. It’s a 90 minute tribute to “Somedays you just can’t get rid of a bomb.” and there’s nothing wring with that.

Is it a good film? Not really. But will i watch it again and have fun? Oh yes.